A “Date” vs. “Hanging Out”?

So in this new-age world of quasi-relationships, quasi-feelings, quasi-everything, I figured I’d touch on a subject that came to fruition during a conversation on twitter that centered around wanting to go on a “date”. Then it came down to the notion…. what the hell is a “date” these days?

Dictionary.com states a date as the following.

date[deyt]: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.

Physics.This.Sh!t.Aint. defines a date as:

date [deyt]: an agreed outing with two people that both have genuine intentions for which sex is not the primary outcome.

So how do you know when you are involved in a “date”?

 The framework of the ‘date’ is usually done at least 3-4 days in advance. Why is this significant? Because this means the person initiating the date actually has thought out the notion of wanting to spend time with you and what they want to do. We allow 48 hours as a one-time pass if in fact the person initiating has something very specific in mind as well. If you get the text at 4:53pm on a Saturday saying “What u doin?”… it is NOT a date. You’re likely just hanging out.

The attire required doesn’t involve lounge wear. If he is wearing jogging pangs, and she is wearing yoga pants… unless you are in a Bikram yoga/spin/aerobics/TaeBo/P9ox class…. you are NOT on a date. Hell, if you thought you were on a date to a gym class anyways…. then I suggest you just go back to your Source and Sister 2 Sister magazines.

There is no suggestion for you to pay at any point. Dutch dates are out there. But we’re talking about knowing exclusively that YOU’RE on a date. If the check comes, and there is no hesitation about the person INITIATING the date picking up the tab, then you’re on a date. If it becomes a reverse tug-of-war with the check being a hot potato… then you’re likely just hanging out.

If there is a suggestion for a second place, then you’re on a date. If the second place is a house, apartment or hotel room… then you’re not on a date. You’re just f**king. If the third place involves sex… then you’re on a GREAT date.

Some form of chivalry is shown. Doors are open. Chairs are pulled. (Sidenote: Ladies, when a man open the car door for you to get in the passenger seat, try and open his door to the best of your ability. Even if you only get to door unlocked status… it goes a long ways for us fellas if we’re feeling you.)

If you are not sold for money during the encounter, then it’s a date. Ok, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention to this one.

If the scenario plays out that you ask the person to call you to let you know they made it home and they actually do… then congrats…. you’ve just been on a date.

So what constitutes a “date” in your mind? Or what definitely lets you know that we’re just cool and hanging out???

D.

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10 Responses to A “Date” vs. “Hanging Out”?

  1. DigitalGurl says:

    One thing to keep in mind is some people prefer “hanging out” over “dating”. One has a sort of formality to it, while the other doesn’t. Either can mean more to the parties involved. The key to this whole conversation is the value of “alone time” as opposed to meeting with groups. There are many men who only like to meet up with a woman at a club or lounge… and women fall for that as him wanting to see her and counting that as relevant.

  2. Dinn says:

    Good question. I’ve actually been thinking about this for quite some time. A date definitely speaks volumes in a person’s level of interest. A date would constitute a time purposely set aside to spend with someone that you are genuinely looking to know on a more personal level. It’s funny b/c there are people who have know one another for years, but to this day still don’t know what their favorite food or color is. But what they do know are the color of the bed sheets or at least the inside of what their place looks like. A date definitely wouldn’t be considered a few texts here or there to “hook up” or “hang out” with the person at his or her dwelling. That certainly screams a hook up! Great post!

  3. D. says:

    Very true. And I believe there is a place and a mentality for both. When it comes to wanting to go on a “date” though, people don’t open their mouths to confirm whether or not it is formal or the other. So people are left to wonder (men and women) and while most of the time if you’re wondering you’re on a date, it’s “No… you’re not”, but I wanted to give a few signs of what an official is… with some chuckles involved :-)

  4. D. says:

    Well some key words to take note of…
    “take you out”=yes
    “hang out”=no
    “spend some quality time”=yes
    “hook up”=no
    “I wanna come over”=hell no

  5. Mzartistic says:

    Nice post! I do agree that the line becomes blurry when trying to distinguish dating vs. hanging out. Its like dating is lost art. Then there are guys who say well dating is expensive lets just “hang out”…so then you’re in this weird limbo space. But now I know what to say when he asks…..“I wanna come over”=HELL no… :)

  6. D. says:

    It is. Everyone wants to tote the line in order to not put a label on anything. We kinda want everything to be quasi for a number of reasons. Fear of commitment as well as fear of rejection.

  7. Becky says:

    Pardon the lengthy comment, but I think this post slightly relates to your “Passing Me By” post. I think men and women are guilty of both being confused and causing confusion when it comes to “hanging out” and “dating”. Realistically, I think a man and a woman can tell the difference between “hanging out” and a “date” within the 1st three encounters (or less). I think when a man or woman continues to confuse the idea or believe that “hanging out” is an actual “date” – it’s typically because they want more. And when they cause confusion by suggesting that a “date” was simply “hanging out” – it’s typically because they want less.

    There’s the example of the girl who misinterprets “hanging out” as “dating” because in her mind, the good times and the strong connection they share is a possible “love connection”– although the guy never shows interest in anything serious with her. But the same guy who caused the confusion, will turn around and end up confused by the next girl. Although he can rarely get this girl to return his calls – in his mind, he considers the time they spend together “dates” because he plans, budgets, and looks forward to them. But in her mind – she’ll continue to consider it all a waste of time, because while she’s “hanging out” on a “date” with him, she could be on a “date” with the guy who only calls her to “hang out”. :-/

    And the wheel goes round and round….lol.” Nice post!

  8. babyboom says:

    wow! nice article :)
    I’m enjoy reading it since I’m abit confused with those two words too.
    But I’d prefer to say hanging out better than date, since hanging out gimme opportunity to ask a cute guy out without give him pressure and personally I’m not a fans of formal stuff.

    And now I really wonder, is that hanging out you can still kissing each other?
    or it comes across to be dating then? wooo :)

  9. D. says:

    All is fair in love and hanging out. If you wanna slip a little tongue in there…. well…. lol

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