How to Get a ‘Love Jones’

The whole point of this blog is to make failed humor attempts at the obvious mistakes and stereotypes that we make towards our decisions towards, sex, love and relationships.

With that said, we often forget the basic elements of getting ourselves a ‘Love Jones’… something that swoons over you. Here are a couple things that can help all of mankind…

(Women) Learn sports. I’m not asking you to go steal the Pittsburgh Steelers playbook and start telling dudes to run a down and out (#pause). But during the NBA playoff season… if you can simply adapt one team to root for and for a valid reason? You have a greater chance of NOT losing his attention during the following periods: (Sep-Feb: NFL), (Apr-Jun: NBA Playoffs), (Jun-Sep: Preparation for NFL season). Bonus points if you are able to follow a sporting event in which sports aren’t even being played live (e.g. NFL or NBA draft, SportsCenter, NFL GameDay).

(Men) Show some chivalry. Open some doors. Any door. If you meet a woman at a coffee shop or bar, offer her something. Stop it with this 2011 entitlement bullshit. If she’s looking nice, acknowledge it………….. aww, forget it. I’d love to say that chivalry will go a ways towards getting you a Love Jones, but that shit is kinda for the birds. But at least make an initial attempt at being somewhat a gentleman and not going Hollywood on a female… making them walk home and stuff.

(Women) Make him work for it. Not saying that the 90-day rule is effective for all you Joan from Girlfriends followers, but the 48-hour rule is definitely a way to be a part of the ‘hoe’down. And being the Joe Budden (aka the jumpoff) is the polar opposite of the Love Jones. Now there is always the exception to the rule… but that usually 5% of the time. So if you gave it up to 20 dudes within the first 48 hours, only 1 (and maybe 2) will actually consider you for long-term relationships. Not that should be some timeframe to it, but enough time to know if the car he drives is really his would be a good starting point.

(Men) Read a book n***a! It doesn’t have to be a thugnance novel (thug romance), or Iyanla Vanzant epiphany-type books that caters to the needs of the woman’s psyche. But pick something out of your comfort zone and just gain some experience outside of the box. It becomes very useful in ‘expanding your horizons’ and just having more to offer in conversation to the opposite sex (or smae sex if that is your preference).

(Women) Cut down on the tattoos. Three maximum. Nothing that a 3-inch circle couldn’t cover. And NO NAMES. I don’t care if it’s your kid, mom, deceased grandma, God, your baby daddy that is in on his first 15 year sentence out of three, your basketball coach. Leave the neck alone. Behind the ear can be done, if tasteful. No more roses on the breast. Tramp stamps are called ‘tramp stamps’ for a reason.

(Men) If you are above the age of 25, have the following in this order: income, car, place to live. Omit the car if AND ONLY IF you live in New York, DC or Chicago (or any place where owning a car costs more than rent). Make this your priority. Being Broke Phi Broke is only beneficial to the woman above with the 8 tattoos. And note… I said income… not job. I know there are circumstances (grad school, starving artist, etc.) for which a J.O.B. may interfere. But ya damn sure need some sort of income. I’m checking with the judges to see if ‘living in your parent’s basement’ qualify for place to live… wait… the answer is NO to that as well. Sorry. Here’s your parting gift.

(Men and Women) Try to find a way to get at least two forms of physical activity into your schedule. We’re young, but our metabolism isn’t. A walk, job, run from the cops, basketball on the rollaway hoop on the sidewalk, pick-em-up mess-em-up, Red Light Green Light, P90X, Jillian Michaels DVD or just beating our kids are just good ways to keep our blood moving to keep us from the slippery slope of being Jabba the Hut.

So… any other keys to getting your own Love Jones? Share them!

D.

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