“You talking loud, but you ain’t saying nuthin…” – The Fugees
As a young professional going through the dating scene in a metropolitan city, I am becoming a constant witness to a rapidly growing group of individuals (men and women) that is starting to personally annoy me. Perhaps I am also being the modern day ‘hater’ as well (or the pretentious negro), but through observation and listening to other people’s frustration with this group, I have decided against it. I call them the new age ‘metro’sexual. People that seem to have all the necessary requirements on the surface, seem to talk about seeking relationships… but they aren’t involved, and truth be told, you don’t really see them being involved for a period of time. And they are already in their 30s!
Now there’s nothing wrong with being single in your 30s. But if you’re single in your 30s and you’ve been single for over three years, something’s up. (Raising my own hand because because I know I have issues… that’s why I blog!)
So as I’m watching my bootleg version of Black Dynamite (#dontjudgeme)… I come across the statement that describes these individuals best……
“For Promotional Use Only”.
‘Promo’sexuals. Perfect. And candidly, if you are seeking a serious relationship… you need to steer clear of ‘promo’sexuals. Because while you are already out there planning to buy her that ring, or already have the names of y’all three boys picked out (sidenote: please avoid the ‘La’ prefix people with the name of your kids… no more LaMichaels, LaTamikas, LaSharonda…. baby please… please)… they are already preparing their exit strategy because long-term relationships don’t fit their current ‘path’.
So how do you know you are dealing with a ‘promo’sexual? Well here are a couple tips…
They are usually widely popular (almost too popular). Why? Because their interest is in the social circles. So you’ll see them at likely one too many of the following: happy hour spots, professional networking events, ‘insert marginally famous athlete’ birthday party, political fundraisers, Miami, ‘insert sponsored liquor’ RSVP’d event, within the first 20 rows at basketball games. Now let me state this to avoid the stigma of the ‘hate’ tag… I admire the hustle, charisma, and drive that these individuals put into their social lives. It takes a lot to actually be popular and liked. But when you get down to the nitty-gritty… if you want a relationship with this type of person, you’re asking for the polar opposite of what they are really about. That’s like asking Cheetos to taste like Better Mades (Detroit plug).
Their social networking feeds are a series of Kanye/Jay-Z/Charlie Sheen/(insert #winning celebrity quotes) followed by the hashtag #thatisall. Examples include:
@iamapromosexual All I do is win #monster #thatisall
@pros_and_hos #bigupstoallmyhaters #soappalled #spaulding #thatisall
Their social networking feeds are filled with quotes with the play on words to make things sound more intellectual. Examples:
“In order to get lost in love… you must love the fact that you lost…”
“In order to love one in a million, you must first love Amil-lion”
You are usually prewarned with the following lines…
“Well right now I’m feeling focused on getting myself together…..”
“I’m not really looking for anything serious…”
“You trippin…” (Okay I added this one… but it’s a typical response after you’ve sent your obligatory ‘So I guess I’m not gonna see you tonight huh?’ text message)
They are the jack of all trades… often master of none. They know who the local team is… but only know the players that come out to party… and couldn’t tell you the team’s coach. They follow CNN on Twitter, but just to RT articles of gas prices with the obligatory #smh after it. Michelle Obama is their role model, but couldn’t tell you where she went to school.
They usually have iPhones. Okay, I’m just hating on iPhones at this point.
They ARE professionals. We’re talking people with real educational backgrounds working in corporate America. Bankers. Business consultants. Engineers. Which makes this group even more frustration because of their lack of depth in areas for which you assumed would grow over the years.
They are usually overly dressed for the occasion. A suit and tie at 8pm on a Saturday night? A cocktail dress at a 4pm happy hour? Sunglasses on at night? These people are often a tad too prepared for impromptu-like atmospheres. There’s a reason for that…
Your encounters are usually centered around social events that you’re never invited to. Going to dinner at 7 with no after-dinner conversation? Getting that 2am call to go to the Waffle House? Wanna go walk the riverbank at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon? But they’re always ‘busy’ between 10p-2a? You may be dealing with a ‘promo’sexual…
This article isn’t to discourage you from getting to know your fellow ‘promo’sexual. I’m a true believer in curtailing your expectations from the start. Most people fall for the popularity, and igonre the substance. Have fun with your promos… but when you’re done, just let them back out in the world for others to play with… their community promos.
Any other ‘promo’ characteristics?